For those of you eagerly awaiting an answer to the age-old question of polygamy vs. monogamy before committing yourself to marriage or joining the Mormon faith, here are a few tidbits from this side of the Atlantic. The account that follows is slightly dramatized, but contains all real points made by a variety of people we have met this past week.
Resolved: This House Believes it is better to have more than one wife.
First, a speech for the affirmation made by a gentleman drinking tea and gesticulating wildly. "This House" is implicitly defined as the patriarchy, while the value for this debate, he claims, is quality of life. Because an enjoyable life begins with a strong family unit, the criterion (or weighing mechanism) for this debate must be the family unit which maximizes one's quality of life.
His first contention argues that life is easier with more than one wife. With multiple wives, there is always someone to clean, cook, and sleep with. The quality of a man's life can be measured in such things... minimizing household tasks, eating good food, and having gratuitous sex. Each of these metrics show marked improvement with additional wives.
His second contention is that more wives means more children. Because children will take care of you in your old age and in the manner you have become accustomed to, maximizing the number of children you produce is a solid investment in retirement. Oh, and babies are cute. (He winks at the pregnant judge.)
His third contention is an appeal to Feminism; with more wives, each wife will have less work! Such a fact of mathematics cannot be denied, and must flow to the affirmation.
Next, a rebuttal and speech by the negation is made by our good friend Voldo. He accepts the affirmation's value and weighing mechanism as common sense, but claims life will not be made easier with additional wives.
His first contention is that women are, in fact, crazy. Thus, having four wives will only compound a man's problems, instead of alleviating them as is claimed by the affirmation. He cites some examples: his crazy aunt from Mopti; his ex-girlfriend; Michelle Bachman...
His second contention is an appeal to religion; Mohammed said a man is allowed to take up to four wives, if he is able to treat them exactly equally. Because this Herculean task is neigh impossible, having four wives will likely lead to a life of blasphemy as one contradicts the Holy Word. Thus, morality dictates man must have but one wife.
His third contention builds off his second, and makes the argument from fiscal responsibility. If you wife wants a new dress, he says, you only have to buy one new dress. If you had four wives, they would cost you four times as much.
The rebuttal for the affirmation is made by a talkative taxi driver, who asks me how many wives I am planning to take. When I explain that polygamy is illegal in the United States, he becomes very animated and expounds on the benefits of plural marriage.
He begins by offering a counter-argument to Voldo's first contention. Although women may be crazy, if you have four wives you are four times as likely to always find one who will do what you want. If you only have one wife, as is argued by the negation, you'll always be afraid of her and have to do what she wants. This domestic situation does not uphold the value for this debate, namely, quality of life.
He continues by strengthening the affirmation's third contention -- Feminism. Polygamy is actually better for women, he claims, because it is the only way every woman will be able to have a husband. Due to an unfortunate chance of biology, even if every man in the world were to take seven wives, there would still be women left over. [Note to the reader: because this is a Public Debate round, the affirmation is not required to provide evidence for such claims.]
We are still awaiting a second speech by the negation, and summary of voting issues. But thus far, the patriarchy seems to be out in full swing. I find it interesting that the only religious argument is in favor of monogamy, while the two rather bogus appeals to "feminism" favor polygamy....
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